I was pondering over for some time to scribble something precious in this column, when this thing just came out of me. It came out so subtly & so delicately that, I prayed that it just continues till the end of eternity. But then how long do good feelings ever last? It fainted away slowly & then it stopped.
It stopped and this fellow sitting beside me in the bus started to choke. At first he hastily tried to get his perfumed hanky from his trouser pocket up to his grimacing face, but clumsy that he was, he lost precious time in doing so. The killer aroma had breached the defense of his nostrils & it pounded the nasal walls & thrust deep into his respiratory tract. The poor chap then had to use the same hanky shield as a weapon to fight the deadly whiff & he started vigorously fanning the air around him trying his best to survive the stench. A quick sheepish glance at him made me realize the lethal potential I possess.
“Man!” I thought “…the samosa-pav was REALLY GOOD…..“. The poor guy’s histrionics gave an impression of a lone surviving warrior from the losing side of a battle sullenly waving out his surrender flag, praying for the gift of his life. But then I realized I had to react quickly or else the culprit will be behind bars of embarrassment for the rest of the journey. So I too removed my sweaty tattered piece of cloth and followed suit. And my eyes pointed finger to the fat old lady sitting in front, deeply engrossed in her sacred book & his eyes were smart enough to decode the message & they gave THE finger to her. I gave the best expression to manifest the oh-these-fat-fart-bombers look and I could see him mumble the “F” letter word in her glory. I looked outside the bus window & gave an imaginary hi-five to this idiot peeing across the street and thought to myself what a close escape that was. While getting out of the bus at my destination, my eyes thanked the good old lady (who was still unaware of the scene behind her back) & I passed a sly grin to her, to which she gave a face as if I just groped her daughter sitting beside.
Whatever the episode was, it just made me feel more confident to face the pressures of life without fear…………WTF !!!
The last sentence was a mis-print. It was supposed to be the ending line for the anecdote I was writing for a Moral Science school textbook for the 5th standard kids.
Actually, the whole episode only got me reminiscing about another incident about this plump fellow passenger sitting beside me in a train journey a few years back. The moron was the only passenger sleeping soundly in the sweaty overcrowded train & amidst the entire hullabaloo the only two noises that he made were one of the snores from his nose & the other of the disgusting farts from his ass. For a little while, I contemplated if that’s how he exhaled to live.
Anyway, there’s no summary to the above passage, but it’s just a tribute to all the silent skunks of the world. And hey…. I am not a regular at it; it was just an accident that day, you see. Otherwise the next time you smell something rotten & I am around, you’ll give the look to me; but now you know it’s the fat old lady in front who did it. :)
